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There Will Be Consequences

August 5, 2009

My new favorite show is HBO’s Entourage. Got into it at the end of last season so I’m playing catch-up with season DVD’s from the library. Gotta say it is fantastic.

So I get notification yesterday that the Season 3 DVD’s are ready for pick-up and I decide to watch a few episodes last night before heading to bed. All well and good except for the fact that I’m kinda hungry. Now its close to midnight and I’m usually asleep by this time, so food wouldn’t even be an issue, but I don’t want to watch the show with some gnawing hunger in my belly.

I had made refried beans earlier in the night (the real ones – soak the beans, simmer for hours, get the lard smoking hot, cue Homer Simpson “mmmm…refried beans”) so I open the fridge, dish the beans, pop in the microwave, get the chips from the pantry, ready to go. And I see a bag of cookies and grab those, as well.

Idiot.

Watch a couple shows, chow down on the beans and chips, throw in a few cookies for good measure. Wrap up and ready for bed. And then the rumble…

Oh God, no.  Suffice it to say, and to spare the unnecessary details, 2 hours later, I’m a shell of a man, 20 lbs lighter, and there is police tape across the bathroom door.

So why am I blogging about this? Because I knew better. And I’ve been suffering for it all day today. There was that moment, right before I went for the refrieds that I thought “It’s late, just get some water, or something” but no, dumbass had to get chips and beans. And, hey, jackass, get the cookies, too. Like the little devil on the shoulder “you know you wanna, it’s worth it, and don’t forget the cookies!”

So I’m paying the consequences…still. Granted, it’s not like I got a DUI, or killed somebody, or honked my horn at the kid on the bike causing him to crash into a fence. I don’t have to think about this in prison, or with thousands of dollars in fines, or with the guilt of having wronged or hurt somebody. Just the overall feeling of malaise and more trips than usual to the “reading room.” But it’s the same general principal. That point when we decide on a choice that goes against our better judgement. When we’re in the proverbial (or, ahem, literal) sh*t of a situation we’ve gotten ourselves into and, during the review, realize that moment when we knew better.

I know my system well enough to  know that a junkfood binge at midnight will never turn out well. I know better, but I guess that’s part of the process. Not just knowing better but actually doing better. Looking beyond instant gratification for better long-term results. When you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, as Dumbledore said. It would’ve been right to grab a glass of water, maybe a couple of crackers, watch a show, go to bed, wake up today right as rain. But it was easier to grab all that crap, sit on the couch, chow down, and end up suffering for it.

It’s not enough to know better, you also gotta do better. Listen to that little voice that knows better and follow it. So simple, not always so easy. Then again, the easy path just never seems to turn out well. In anything.

I know that. Dumbass.

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